"AAARRHHAGGH!!!" Nemos screams into the upturned salad bowl of salad and sits up straight as he jolts awake. "What an appawling dream!"
"Ah you're awake. Shall we finish our story?"
Nemos groggily picks a rocket leaf out of his beard - un-aware that this is just the smallest part of the got-salad-all-over-his-face problem. He trawls his memory for what exactly these people will've been talking about. The whole POINT of post-office-hours nap time is that you don't expect to need to be any good in a meeting after you've had one. He decided to stall for time...
"Please go on..."
But the story is painfully familiar.
"Well in the end we met with this Sojekos. He was a grumpy old man but told us that HE wouldn't be able to give us the secret of how to destroy metal. But Kossotto could! Only Kossotto was a grumpy old man. Sojekos said 'he's even grumpier than me' - so that must be pretty grumpy (I mean, this Sojekos guy hadn't even yet told us who he was!) Anyway, you'll never guess where Kossotto hangs out..."
There was a pause during which Nemos was supposed to attempt to guess...
"Was it... Inside your... shoes?"
"Um... no. How would that even work? No, he spends all his time hanging out in the deepest parts of the dungeons of the equipment makers. Anyway, we were all 'um, hello - we've just trawled that whole place and didn't see him' and this Sojekos guy is all 'well maybe he went to get some milk or something'. Anyway, off we went back to find him."
Nemos pulles himself up off the floor and looks into a near-by mirror. Something about his face felt weird but he couldn't put his finger on it.
"URGH!" He involuntarily exclaims as he looks at his reflection. His features are mostly hidden, but he knows that to maintain his dignity in front of the strangers he will have to pretend that this salad-face was something he'd done to himself on purpose. Quick as a flash he grabs a cherry tomato and a pasta tube that have fallen on the side and presses them onto his eyebrows. Turning to the team he mutters "Oh, I was just alarmed that these had come off... Do carry on..."
He's not sure why the team are looking at him with the same kind of expression you might have on your face when you catch your hypnotised mum carrying a sack of swag and climbing out of the smashed window of a ping-pong-ball factory... His impersonation of someone who'd NOT been caught doing something without any memory of why had been impeccable, hadn't it?
"Well we went all the way through the equipment maker's dungeon AGAIN - so that's another 4 days - and eventually got back to the monster infested bottom floor and can I just say, I have NO IDEA how you're supposed to win some of the fights down there. There's these fear monsters right - we've met some of them before and normally they're ok because they come in groups of 2 or 3; just about manageable. But when you have to face 7 or 8 at once it's just impossible to do anything! They all just cast 'run away' on you and there's nothing you can do because you lose control of yourself and just run away! We ended up having to run past every fight in there because otherwise we'd only have run-away cast on us and then be picked off slowly as they run up and pinch our retreating bums... to death!"
"Hmm... uh-huh. Yes, yes, interesting. Do go on" Nemos cupped the tiny cube of goats cheese on his chin thoughtfully and over-did the impression of someone who's at all interested.
"I mean, I just don't know how you're supposed to win those fights - no matter HOW tough you are! Well... Anyway... So eventually we're sort of battered from wandering around this dungeon looking for this guy, so we nip over to the healing pod they've got down there that we told you about before. And just as we're bathing in the mysterious curative light, who should pop up but creepy old Kossotto. Ah, and this is the bit I'm a bit worried we shouldn't have done."
Tom clears his throat nervously before carrying on. Since the Dji Cantos are the secret peace keepers of the planet, he's worried that by upsetting the balance of power in the economic engine-room of the world he'll get into trouble. Nemos, however, is wondering why he's expected to give a crap about stuff that's happened anywhere other than the pleasure island...
"So... You know how we didn't really know who this guy was? He was just a friend of this Sojekos who, in turn, we also didn't know anything about. They were just shady characters who it seemed wanted to help us? Well - Kossotto told us he'd give us the secret of destroying metal but ONLY in return for the secret of how to mine without upsetting the goddess. He told us that he was sick of having to rely on the miners\mountain priests guilds to get minerals for his 'work' - but he didn't tell us what that was... Well we thought about it and decided that since the world NEEDED this secret to be saved, we should tell him what he wanted to know - anything, as long as we get the tools to prevent the Toronto eating everything..."
"And DID he give you the secret?" Nemos's lust to know all there is to know about everything on Albion kicked back in as he started to remember the context of this conversation.
"Oh yes. He told it all to Dirr. But honestly, do you think we should worry? See, as we walked away we were thinking about it... Here's a stranger who hangs out in a darkened catacomb with an army of fear demons (which, if you think about it, he's probably summoned - hence their not attacking him). He's got access to the equipment maker's labs (do they know he's down there? None of them mentioned him to us...) and now has both the secret of mining without getting cursed... What if... What if he's not entirely nice? What if he did something like... make armour and weapons for his fear demon hoard? What if he used his knowledge to set up a rival city of manufacturers, but one that's not divided into three guilds - one that's entirely filling HIS pockets? Him and his demon league could completely destabilise the region! We should go back and do something about it, shouldn't we Nemos?"
But Nemos isn't listening. He's taken Dirr by the arm and is getting her to run him through the secret of how to destroy metal.
"Um... Nemos?" Tom calls.
At that moment, Nemos jumps up and down, pumps the air with his fist, saves his game and goes to get a cup of tea.
"WOO!" He shouts through from the kitchenette as the kettle boils. "I can't believe it! We've actually done it! The Dji Cantos have ALL THE KNOWLEDGE OF ALBION!!! THIS IS FANTASTIC! YES!!!! I KNEW WE COULD DO IT!!!! I'm going to go down in history as the man who FINALLY re-sealed the Dji Cantos's position as intellectual secret super elite of the planet! YES!!!"
He does a little dance on the spot.
"Yay!" Hoff claps his hands and runs over to hug his former master in celebration.
"Woah! Get away from me old man!"
"Oh... I... I'm sorry..."
"Ugh! I'm trying to enjoy this good news. I don't need your wrinkly old face-print on my cape."
"I... Um... Well... Well ok... But... Well now - ok. In that case. What about this weapon you promised us then eh?"
"Um... Weapon?"
"Yes. YOU remember Nemos. You promised that these secrets were being gathered because you needed them to produce a weapon. You can remember that can't you?"
"I... Well..."
"You remember how, since last time we saw you, there's been a giant mechanical monster actually eating the planet? You know, irrevocably annihilating areas of the continent of Umajo?"
"Errm..."
"Oh yes. You remember. Because you told us that rather than being able to do anything about it right away, you had to have these extra secrets. Extra secrets that we justs spent a good month and a half gathering for you. That's a month and a half of planet eaten by this monster because you had to have the secrets before we could beat it. Well now you HAVE the secrets. Where's this weapon then? Eh?"
The kettle clicks off in the kitchenette. Nemos struggles - his brain having difficulty catching up. This dreadful old earth-man seems to have a chip on his shoulder about something... Come on... A weapon. A Weapon to slay a giant metal monster... His eyes dart around the room, scanning for something to get him out of this scrape... There's nothing... But then he remembers the salad! He's a genius!
"Ah, well I'm glad you asked me about it." He says smugly. "It just turns out I have the weapon you seek right here."
Reaching up to his face, he plucks off the first thing his fingers come to. Some sort of green bean - ugh! why do people bother putting this stuff in a bowl for him?!
"This - which I've been keeping on my face for security - is the weapon we will enchant with the secrets you've brought me. This will become the SEED... The divine tool of Amoeba that will halt the Toronto's unrelenting mangling of our home world!!!"
There's a sort of deeply-unimpressed silence as the team look at this haricot bean. A silence that is imperceptibly broken only by the whirring of a video camera in the shadows...
Well, in order to fit your narrative you skipped over the ritual to create the seed that (the ritual not the seed) btw depicts a really fat Harriet (or is it her sister Harridan?).
ReplyDeleteKossotto is always running around in that room but since it is quite big, you may simply over look him (as you did the treasure chest that iirc contains another sun dagger). The effect is the same anyway. He would have sent you back to the surface (and rightfully so) and 'warning' you about the monsters. You came in univited, slew (or tried to) his monster pets, looted what you could lay your hand on etc.
Btw, with solving another small puzzle you could avoid the winding path through the pressure plates or wasting a good bucket of water on the fire to get the way description.
The solution for the exploding levers hangs on the wall behind them but trial and error works well enough if you have enough healing potions or persons. But don't try that again, next time error or amateur fiddling will be much more painful (I mean 100+ hitpoints painful).
I hope your next adversaries will give you a decent burial (I doubt it though). I don't see much chance of avoiding some of those fights and doubt your party's fitness. Die well! Muhahahahahahahahaha!!!!! (you know what they say about multiple exclamation marks...?)
Slight correction on my part. You assume that the seed already exists and will be enchanted (next session) while I assumed that it is created during the ritual. So I falsely accused you of malvolently skipping the light-show. Sorry for that.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna skip Session 40, I don't think there was anything major I wanted to say there.
ReplyDeleteWell, at least nothing I couldn't say here as well: It's kind of funny how much aggravation this glorified cellar caused you while I felt just that with the Kenget Halls of Doom you so thoroughly enjoyed :)
> I mean, I just don't know how you're supposed to win those fights - no matter HOW tough you are
Somewhere, on some other continent, Mell is caught by a disturbance in the force and (for some reason he doesn't understand) keeps laughing maniacally until he suffocates.
Also: You obviously didn't find the pressure plate that spawns infinite numbers of ridiculous (!) Beast Level 3 parties. I think each of them has 16 of those bastards. I wanna see somebody try _that_ without Mell :/
(Everybody who does have Mell uses it to level his party to max before departing for the end-game)
> At that moment, Nemos jumps up and down, pumps the air with his fist, saves his game and goes to get a cup of tea.
Loving that line :)
Yep - the rubbish bean-o-happiness is still just a bean in the write-up. Although don't expect me to make too much of the conversion process (although look at my new banner! That's the SEED creation screen!)
ReplyDeleteThis dungeon I really didn't enjoy. It's the total low-point of the whole game for me so far (I really hope it gets better again before the end). The dungeons of the Kenget Kamulos were exciting and tense and you were locked in and you never knew how it was going to turn out. But in the rubbish corridors of Umajo, it's not like you're under threat much really. You can leave at any time and the main challenge seems to be patience. Every time you have to back track to see what that lever did you spend real-world-minutes doing it. And then the bit where you have to sit and watch the screen until the clock ticks round to 8!! Arg! My brain!
But I guess it's not all bad. I did find it quite entertaining that there was this creepy dungeon dwelling weirdo who I had to give a precious secret to in order to progress. I would love to see that have repercussions later in the game (or probably in the sequel, since I'm really hoping that I'm not going to spend much time outside the Toronto for the rest of the game).
How is Mell able to get rid of the Fears without being scared of them? Oh wait - actually I think I know this! He has a banish demons spell doesn't he? I remember I had it at the time but he wasn't high enough level to learn it or something... I can't quite remember...
What was the other way of solving the pressure-plate-chest puzzle?
For all my thinking the game has no side quests (except for the insane prison break mission) there does seem to be heaps of stuff you can do and find in the dungeons that I never do... Plus alternative ways of solving things.)
Pressure plate that releases 16 Beast Level 3s at a time?!?!? That sounds... HORRIBLE.
> He has a banish demons spell doesn't he?
ReplyDeleteYep, in its most powerful variation it insta-kills all demons that are in the fight. If you give Mell an amulet of speed or stand far enough from the Beasts that they can't attack you in the first round - then they're toast, no matter how many there are of them.
That of course can be used to level up your whole party to 50 in no time. Spawn demons, then banish them. Wash, rinse, repeat.
ReplyDeleteThat would of course totally spoil the game, if this spawning place was not hidden so deeply and so far from the normal paths your characters take.
I guess the developers put it there, so new party members could be brought up a bit before fed to the meat grinder of e.g. Khamulon. It's quite difficult to get Harriet to the level where she can create rifts in the space-time continuum otherwise.
Btw, the anti-demon spells are about the only thing really useful (for me) about Mellthas. Not much use as a fighter (the only trainer that will take him cannot be reached before the main mission on Maini is finished). The small fireball is much weaker than what your other magic users have available. I my style the fighting is often over before he even has a chance to participate (I think only Rainer is slower). But he can carry lots of loot, so he usually gets the full 3276.7 gold coins until we find a box to deposit or a brothel to blow it.